Do I have a real identity outside of the one I've manufactured for myself?

I don't think I would know what my identity would be with out my eating disorder. Sometimes I think I like having it because it gives me something - but if i reached a goal weight then I would be done - its almost like i enjoy the torture of never reaching my goal - is miserable my comfort zone?

I feel like I manufactured this in order to have something interesting in my life - I feel like even if I didn't make anything up I'll always feel like I have

my god i'm crazy

i need to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep until its all better & clearer......