i wish i was sick.

wanting to be sick
I've always wanted to have an illness that after a lot of suffering I could overcome and then advocate for and dedicate my life to helping others.
oh wait i have one... several actually.... thanks to some reflection and suggestions from others I think what I really want is to have an illness that is obvious from the outside and one that is not so taboo as mental illness. Everyday I'm in pain but no one can see it and a mental health diagnosis is never 100% black & white. with an illness such as cancer you are in pain but its easy for others to see that pain and if you do a walk or talk about it at work its accepted.
I would never go into my work and tell them about my mental illness or try and raise money for a cause related to it. I'm too afraid of my employer knowing about my mental health and using it (even subconsciously) against me - which you KNOW everyone does - even if they don't mean to, their perception of you changes once they know you have a mental illness.
My employer knows I have ADD & Anxiety but they only reason they know is because I have monthly doctor appointments to get my ADD meds and since I am so good at my job I figured they'd see it as me overcoming my lack of attention and being one of the best in my department. Which has worked out (I suspect because ADD is so prevalent now) but I would NEVER tell them about my MDD or possible PD.


and the things they carry at the Dollar store....