purpose /meaning

Today I feel sad, hopeless, have a headache and am nauseated

2pm Anxiety is taking over, I'm hungry, the combination is making me miserable and irrational - oh did i mention i'm at work and on an important conference call? I feel like crazy crap - confused, anxious, full of adrenaline

I feel so scattered that its even a challenge to sit and think about how i'm even feeling. I have read that the Lamictal can cause some destablization during the titration up to the higher dosages

I’d like to find purpose in my life – so that whatever it is that I’m doing is working towards a higher goal – I’ve read you have to make your meaning – I feel like I’m spiritual but its hard for me to connect with exactly what it is that God wants (aside from living life as a good person) – but maybe there isn’t and I have to find my own way to be a good person – to give back – to help others and there is no set way – I just have to take the skills and knowledge I have and do something. I know that doing anything is better than sitting at home watching tv. I hope I can find something that I can do after work – I’m sure that even doing something on the weekends would be a good start.

It is definitely fear that holds me back - its like I know I should change but I also don't want to which makes no sense since I am so miserable

I can't make decisions, I have so many things I like but not one thing that sticks out to make me passionate about it.