friendships

Nov 7 6th day at 50mg - I feel more hopeful and a little more motivated - I also slept from 730p - 530a - its encouraging to feel hopeful

I feel sped up - like i've had caffeine or something - but when I feel this rush of adrenaline it makes me really social and forgiving - i'm thinking about getting together with a friend who's MI caused us to drift apart but now she is properly medicated (or so she says) for BP or BPD. I do care about her but after everything that has happened I honestly can't tell if she is faking being ok or not. I know that its not her fault she has a MI and that she went off ALL her meds during her pregnancy and had post-partum really bad. We drifted apart because of all the things she was doing despite my attempts to help her. I knew I couldn't help her she needed to want to get treatment and get better herself.

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that was at 3pm

now its 1045pm and I just got home from having a drink with my friend. She really is nice but she just has too many issues for me to deal with. Its weird to see they way she acts now "properly medicated" is basically the same as she was before. She said she is on adderall which I think is a HORRIBLE idea. She uses it for weight loss and to keep herself feeling up. She also said she doesn't have true mania so that's why she isn't BP 1. I can't believe that she is classic manic - shopping, impulsive POOR decisions involving her safety,sex, money, etc. 


She isn't the kind of person who is okay with a casual relationship - she wants to be together all of the time and I really really can't do that. I might join the gym again (where I met her) so I will probably see her there and I hope that is enough.