eating disorder .... disordered eating

I have struggled with an eating disorder or some for of disordered eating since high school - binge eating, emotional eating, bulimia, etc... I consider myself in recovery since I am actively trying to change
I think much of my disordered eating behaviors are now habits not necessarily coping mechanisms. I still have the urge to practice bulimia but I haven't acted on it in about 6 months.

I hate to feel hungry - feeling hungry affects everything from my mood to how I feel physically

Every time I eat sugar I get a horrible stomach ache - it doesn't matter if I have just eaten or if the sugar is on an empty stomach the reaction is the same.

I am rejoining my gym that I quit last year and I took a class on Friday morning and it felt great - this is a gym I had worked at 6 years ago then joined after I stopped working there. Even though I hadn't belonged in a year and didn't use my membership in the year before that everyone remembered me and I just felt like I belonged and that is a wonderful feeling I haven't had in a while.

I really hope that my new medication will help me to feel good enough to not need to cope/overeat/zone-out/whatever

As usual I really want tomorrow to be a fresh start and for this time it to be different but at the same time in the back of my head I hear "you know it wont last" - my negative self talk in my opinion is very quiet and subtle there is no inner voice screaming at me or any acknowledged self loathing but maybe I'm just blocking it out.......