My life looks good from the outside. happily married, house, job that pays decently well that I like (as far as desk jobs go), loving family & in-laws.....
so why do I feel this void? I constantly rack my brain to the point of exhaustion trying to figure out what I could do to fill it. Every answer I come up with scares me - what if I sacrifice things in my life to take a new route and I end up feeling the same way I do now.
I thought that the problem might be that I need a job that will add meaning/ purpose to my life - well none of those jobs pay so I'd have to have a crap load of money already
I thought about volunteering but for some reason all the volunteer opportunities are during the day when I'm at work. I had the best time volunteering at our local hospital but that was when I was unemployed 2 years and if I had gotten anything other than a full time job I would have lost my unemployment benefits. Volunteering while unemployed was the BEST thing I could have done. It opened my eyes to what really matters and it gave me skills and something to put on my resume to show that I was being productive while out of work.
When I was deep into my eating disorder I remember being terrified of reaching my goal weight because in the back of my mind there was a part of me that knew that when I did I would still feel miserable. Being a certain weight was not going to magically change how I felt.
I have been thinking and stressing about this for YEARS now and all I want is for it to stop. At this point I would rather be drugged up and blissfully unaware than feeling this desperate, depressed, hopelessness.
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